Convening the Inner Life:
Weaving Threads of Grief and Joy
Written by: Greta Seitz
This week we heard from Conversation Starters Terry Chapman, Director of CPL Communities, and Carolyn Baker who co-lead Weaving Threads of Grief & Joy, to learn more about the role of grief in leadership and how purposeful leaders function as "weavers" of grief and joy, facing into times of unraveling and regrouping to create a new age of a world that works for all.
*If you are interested in the upcoming Weaving Threads of Grief and Joy program on October 28th & 29th, you can learn more below.
We began with an activity in which each participant was asked to locate an object nearby that represented both grief and joy to them. After locating their object, the group broke into small groups to briefly discuss why they chose their item. One of the first objects I noticed near me was my set of house keys. To me this item represented grief and joy as it exemplifies the joy of the future and all it brings—a new job, a new city, new people—but with it comes the grief of that which is left behind or what may be strained during this time of change and adjustment.
Following the breakout sessions, we returned to the large group where Craig Neal shared a poem with the group about grief,
Ah, grief, I should not treat you
like a homeless dog
who comes to the back door
for a crust, for a meatless bone.
I should trust you.I should coax you
into the house and give you
your own corner,
a worn mat to lie on,
your own water dish.You think I don’t know you’ve been living
under my porch.
You long for your real place to be readied
before winter comes. You need
your name,
your collar and tag. You need
the right to warn off intruders,
to consider my house your own
and me your person
and yourself
my own dog.“Talking to Grief” by Denise Levertov
In response to hearing this poem, the group was invited to take a few minutes journaling about the following questions regarding grief:
What have you learned about grief and grieving? What kinds of messages about grief have you received from your family, your friends, and the culture?
What part of the story of grief is too small or, to put it another way, has lost its legitimacy?
Story of Celebration — Imagine 1 Year from Now… What is YOUR story of transformation as a leader who is learning to grieve consciously?
With these questions in mind, groups were re-formed to share and listen to one another and to reflect, bringing about an amazing array of depth and discovery. Many people are afraid to experience grief, we don’t want to feel the pain. Instead of suppressing or trying to curb our grief, we are called to not only accept but invite grief in- be kind and nurturing. Grief is a natural part of the human experience, we need it and it allows us to now what we care about. Similar to water, grief is essential and can be life giving when managed correctly; however, when emotions are balled up and the flood gates open, it can be disastrous and destructive. We must remember to take sips, be intentional and dedicate time to sitting with our grief. Another group took a closer look at the co-existence of grief and joy, and often the lack of closure and an ongoing shift between grief and joy. Grief can bring gifts if we are open to them. When we grieve consciously, we open ourselves to the possibilities. This sentiment is beautifully reflected in a poem shared by one of the participants,
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief,
turning down through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
the small round coins,
thrown by those who wished for something else.“The Well of Grief” by David Whyte
The last portion of the Essential Conversation included reflections from both Terry and Carolyn. Terry posed the group with a number of questions to really get us thinking about the purpose and role of grief within our lives:
What happens when we don’t learn to grieve?
Who teaches us to grieve? Who teaches us the language of loss?
What if we are born to have our hearts open?
What if we took human form to accomplish transforming our hearts of pain and grief to open hearts, ready to accept all the possibility to love?
How can we be apprentices to grief?
Each of these questions were really interesting to me. As Terry notes, pain that is not transformed is transmitted— by learning how to not only grieve but also to open our hearts, we are giving ourselves the ability to transform our pain so as to not transmit. Just think of how powerful that is for ourselves as well as those around us. If we open our hearts and transform our pain into love, imagine the possibility.
Below you can listen to Carolyn’s video reflection on grief:
*If you are interested in the upcoming Weaving Threads of Grief and Joy program on October 28th & 29th, you can learn more by clicking the link above or reaching out directly to Terry Chapman or Carolyn Baker who would be happy to share more and discuss with you!
